I have been struggling, once again, to forgive.
Forgiveness is hard enough to work through once; however, forgiving someone for repeatedly hurting me feels unfair and exhausting. And after taking days, weeks, or months to forgive again, just to feel like the ante is upped with each subsequent offense, it’s left me wondering—
Does forgiveness work?
Obviously, I know forgiveness works because of Christ’s death. I’ve been the beneficiary of it for years. Daily repenting of my sins reminds me that Christ always lives to intercede on my behalf (Hebrews 7:25). When I hurt someone I love, I know that because of the cross, God “remembers [my] sins no more” (Isaiah 43:25b).
But if I’m left feeling more hurt each time I forgive someone, I’ve questioned if I’m being a doormat. What is the point of forgiveness if I keep feeling emotionally overlooked and taken advantage of?
But a few days ago, I thought about how Jesus forgave and loved everyone no matter how they treated Him. He washed Judas’ feet. He wept for those who misunderstood Him. Soldiers mocked and hit Him in the head. He healed, served, and repeatedly forgave them all. What did He get for it?
Crucifixion.
I abstractly know that I don’t deserve better or more than Jesus received when He forgave people, but I wonder how forgiveness works
when you’re not Jesus.
Although I don’t know, God isn’t mad at me for feeling discouraged. He wouldn’t tell me, “My Son died for you, and you’re insulted people’s words? Get over it.” He’s compassionate and loving and meets us where we really are.
Part of me, even in my inability to forgive again, knows that seventy-seven offenses aren’t seventy-seven opportunities from God to make me suffer, but repeated reminders that He willingly suffered on my behalf. The more I think about His grace and patience, the more I feel Him softening my heart for those I want to forgive, but struggle to. Experiencing Christ’s love and mercy has a way of doing that because even when it’s hard—
that’s how forgiveness works.
P.S. This is a shortened section from my new devotional, Your Humanness is Showing: Cultivating Faith in the Messiness of Life. More details coming SOON!