I have company coming over in about half an hour and I haven’t been home all day. What you blog, blog quickly (because I still have to vacuum the front rug to create the illusion that my house is clean before our friends come over).

I am in the middle of the most crazy faith challenge ever.  I hate it.  I hate crying about it and I hate thinking about it.  I wish it were over (sort of). I am exhausted. But today I realized something.  In the middle of the tears and snot and hurt I am forced to come face to face with what I really believe about God.  I am forced, when I stand and nothing can take away my pain or fix my problem, to assess once again if my faith and my Jesus matters when I really need them.  And as much as I don’t like this quote that I read in a devotional from Pathways magazine yesterday, it really changes everything:

“Because real faith has to outweigh our emotional comfort, our human logic, and our passion for understanding.  When it does, the Object of our faith has become the most important thing in our lives.”   

I had to stop and pray honestly that when life is going on, humans are part of my life, and the fact that I am pretty concerned with everything that has to do with me (my happiness, my obedience, my hair) that the Object of my faith is not the most important thing.  Yes, I want Him to be but many times, many days, in many desires and in many relationships Jesus is not the most important thing (Laura is).  But when the bottom falls out I am learning that my hope is built on nothing less, than Jesus blood and righteousness.  And thank God, because when I turn back into His Word and when I pray (thanks to a reminder from my dear friend and mentor, “Just pray.”) my heart changes, my peace increases and my trust in God grows. 

“God thank you that you carved out a few minutes for me to write today (and that my son is vacuuming for me as I type).  Thank you that the Bible is full of the most amazing stuff that holds me up, wakes me up and gives me what I need most; peace through you (Phil. 4:6-7).  God help me through whatever this lesson in obedience is teaching me and supposed to show me.  Help continue to grow my faith even though these lessons are hard. Help me make you the Object of my desires and thank you for your continued patience in everything.  In Your Name, Amen.”