My mom just had surgery on her foot so is laid up for a few weeks.  One of the things she and my dad do every day is take their dog (aka, the most spoiled rotten canine in the world) for walks, but because of my mom’s recovery she is now unable to do so for at least a month.  My dad told my daughter last week when we saw them that he is surprising my mom and borrowing a friend’s golf cart so he can take my mom around their quiet little walking path.  Of course, this means their beast can ride along too, which just adds to the awesomeness of my dad’s surprise.

My mom knows that my dad loves her. They have been married for more than 45 years, raised three children, endured good times and bad.  My dad holds the door for my mom wherever they go, never lets her carry anything heavy and perhaps with competition only from the dog, my mom is my dad’s best friend.  So what’s the big deal about the golf cart?  Did my mom need my dad to surprise her with the golf cart so she really, really knew that he loved her?  Did he need to go through all the trouble of getting the golf cart to prove his love and commitment to her?  Of course not.  But was it really sweet of my dad to do that?  Did it mean a lot to my mom for him to be so thoughtful?  Did it make her feel extra loved, cared for and thought about because he went through the rigmarole to get it?  Of course it did.  Where am I going with this romantic tale of electric transportation and my jealousy for a dog that is treated better than I ever was by my parents?  Last night, I asked God for a golf cart.

My journey to the pit of doubt and frustration about my faith and about God has been an interesting one.  Like past journey’s to the pit, just when I think I have almost crawled out, I inevitably plummet back down. Like other trips to the bottom I have learned much about how I would be different without God in my life and I have learned to question what I believe about God, His Word and my own faith.  And like other trips to the pit I have decided that all I really want is for God to give me a golf cart.  I think that I believe that God loves me and cares about me (He did send His son to die for me – that’s a pretty good indicator).  I know that in the core of my being I believe the truth’s in the Bible.  I know that at some point I will crawl out of the pit for good (at least for a while), but what I want today is for God to surprise me with His love.  What I want today, even though I “know” God loves me, is for Him to show up in a big, tangible way with a gesture like the golf cart that says, “Get in!  Look what I did for you just because I love you and I wanted you to be reminded of that.”  Maybe that is asking too much and maybe I don’t deserve that but that is what I asked for last night and am waiting for today.  I’m sitting in the pit wondering if God will come on down and show me that He cares about my questions, hurts and disappointments.  I’m sitting in the pit knowing that I am just one person and I’m not sure why God would do what I’ve asked, but nonetheless here I sit waiting and hoping.

“Dear God, thank you that I am learning some things in the pit.  Thank you that they are good things and thank you that I know I will not be down here forever.  I hope it is okay that I have asked you to show your love to me in a big way.  I have no idea what that will look like but I will be here when and if you decide to pick me up in that golf cart.  I know at the end of the day that you really do love me, but you know my heart.  You know that I long to know that You care.  I think we all want that and most days, by your grace, I do feel your love and care for me, but today I’m in the pit and I am hoping You come wheeling around the corner soon. I’m more than ready for a ride out of here.  Amen.”