“He who does not long to know more of Christ, knows nothing of him yet.  Whoever has sipped this wine will thirst for more…”  Charles Spurgeon

When I read this quote today I felt once again like a poor excuse for a Christian.  I love Jesus Christ and want to know him more deeply, but “thirst for more?” That would be a stretch. I want to thirst for more, but for me the disciplines of prayer and reading the Bible are predominantly just that. Disciplines. I make myself do them because I know they are good for me and I will grow closer to God and know Him better if I continue to make the time to do read His Word and pray.  Do I long for that time?  Do I yearn for that time with God like I yearn to be with my family or yearn to find that pair of black riding boots I’ve been looking for for two years now?  Not really. 

Although I love God and have a meaningful faith that is the foundation and center of my life I don’t crave more wine, if you will, because my expectations of God often go unmet. I want God to work in the way I want him to and at the speed I want him to. I have been praying and asking God to help me stop being so sarcastic for over 15 years now.  Shocker…I’m still sarcastic.  I’ve asked God what the point of us helping our inner city orphan is.  Christmas Day the boy was so mad at me that he told me that he never wanted to see me again. I asked God to help me get up and read the Bible Monday and I overslept. I think I don’t thirst for more of God because most days I can barely swallow what’s in front of me.

My wise husband pointed out to me recently however, that God is in fact working in my life almost daily.  My problem is I am moving too quickly to see it or appreciate it.  He told me that instead of seeing all the things God is doing and answering, I am racing to try and get to the finish line so I can know the end of the story instead of seeing what is in the middle of it.  Thank you so much, Canoe Boy (see “My Cigarette Boat…” post).

Because my husband is right (as usual) one of my New Year’s goals is to slow down.  Not necessarily do less, but do “slower.” To drive behind people instead of always having to pass them.  To talk and walk more slowly.  To spend time before I read my Bible asking God to help me hear Him.  To ask Him to help me not make reading His Word something I make myself do, but something I want to do because the trajectory of my day, my relationships and my life depends on it.  I know I will not just slow down because I think that God wants me to and it is the start of a New Year. If only it were that easy. Instead I have been looking for opportunities to slow down.I have prayed for an awareness of my propensity to speed and in that awareness I have asked God to help me slow down my brain, my pace and my soul.

“Dear God, I need your help. You know I want to thirst for you, not out of obligation or discipline, but truly yearn for you. You also know that although I want to be better, grow more and look differently… I want that all in two minutes.You know that I want to quickly learn to slow down and then I want to move on. Thank you that you already know all of this about me and you are willing to work with what you have.  I don’t know God if I will ever thirst for you like Spurgeon did, but I do know that I don’t stand a chance if I keep moving at my current pace. Help me to slow down Lord and help me to be intentional today instead of always racing ahead to to see what’s at the finish line.  In Your Name, Amen.”