I have a confession. I have been judging my friends, silently, for years. As they’ve talked about their husband’s inability to mow the lawn, schedule that oil change or fix the stove, I’ve quietly condemned them. I don’t think it is nice or fair for women to get upset when their husband fails to take care of something that qualifies as a “man job.” Why can’t the wife take the car in, mow the lawn or minimally ask their husband nicelyto do these things? I can relate to the frustration, but the expectation that it’s somehow his job? Where was that memo? So I’ve frowned upon these women, maybe prayed for them and definitely prayed for their poor husband’s and the wrath they have and will again, unjustly incur.
Then last night happened.
I hate technology. I hate it with every fiber of my being. I hate how it breaks more often than it works. I hate how it reduces me to a complete moron when I can’t fix it, reboot it or have a conversation with tech support because talking about technology is like doing algebra, learning to speak Japanese or stabbing myself in the eye with a fork. Confusing…pointless…painful.
Last night after my husband worked all day, coached my daughter’s basketball game and finally walked in the door at 8 pm, I told him neither of the printers were working. But I didn’t just tell him. I told him with a tone of criticism and anger. A tone that construed that he had failed at his job and it had inconvenienced me. Not surprising, said request was followed with about eleven hours of intense fellowship (aka, an argument ensued).
One of the things I pray for almost daily is that God will keep me humble without humiliating me. It is humbling to confess I judge people. It was humbling to, without making any excuses, apologize to my husband this morning. It is humbling that I memorize verses like Romans 2:1 yet can’t seem to live it out: “…for at whatever point you judge the other you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgement do the same things.” 

Why do I pray and read my Bible almost every day? Why do I ask for humility when I already struggle with self-esteem issues (yes, I realize they are two different things, but sometimes the middle school girl in me confuses them)? Why should everyone?

Because I have blind spots. We hold ourselves in higher esteem than we should, often in areas that hurt people. 

And although God doesn’t condemn or love me less when I fall short, He does expect me to love others better. Last I checked, I think that is kind of the point of being a Jesus girl in the first place.  #worththetime #lovemore