I realized something embarrassing this week.
Growing up I was taught to work hard and pay my own way. I bought my own cars and paid my own rent and college tuition. As a teacher, I was able to help pay for things when we got married, too.
But when I quit my job to be a stay-at-home mom and later went into ministry, that changed. Although I know both of those jobs matter, there’s a pervasive condemning voice that tells me my financial contributions are negligible and that I’d have very little and be in a very different place in life, without my husband.
Compounding those half-truths, made truer by my recent incapacitation after my biking accident, is the fear my husband might also now find me physically and figuratively, unattractive (contrary to popular belief, walkers aren’t sexy). And although you, my BFF, or my mom could tell me countless reasons none of this is true, the problem isn’t whether it is or not. The problem is,
I’m (still) basing my worth on my looks and achievements.
And that’s a bummer when you’re middle-aged, unemployed, and can’t walk. So, I started asking God to help me start to believe Zephaniah 3:17, that God delights in un-showered, unkempt, and unable to do much, me.
And He did.
While praying today, God reminded me of Carson. Carson is a boy I adore who gets in trouble at school, fibs a lot, and gives me hugs. I don’t love Carson because of his looks, gifts, or contributions. I love him because he’s silly, naughty, affectionate Carson. I love him
Just because he’s Carson.
That God not only loves but delights in unproductive, sweatpants wearing me, moved me deeply. That picture of my heart for Carson reminded me once again, because I needed it, that Jesus loves and likes me. And it reminded me that because of Christ, my worth is settled, solid, and secure,
Just as I am.