“You’ve been really quiet on social. Really quiet.”
When a friend asked me how I’d been at a recent event I was keynoting, she prefaced it with an observation I thought no one had noticed.
Although the past few years have been filled with blessed graduations, engagements, and weddings, they’ve also been filled with challenges. Relational struggles, work and family changes, (non-life-threatening) health issues, living between Milwaukee and Wausau, and So. Much. More. And after back-to-back years of hard things outweighing the good, I felt,
Scraped.
Raw.
Upended.
When you’re a public person with painful, private problems, quiet feels necessary. And although I didn’t withdraw from social media to hide those problems, I did choose to become, less visible.
Until now.
Although my desert season isn’t over, the lessons I’m learning are solidifying my faith in ways my previously pain-free life did not. Prolonged suffering has a way of revealing the darkest parts of us. In the past few years, I’ve wept, thrown things, and shouted profanities. I’ve seen how black my heart can be apart from Christ. In that, I’ve wrestled. Why wasn’t I producing more fruit despite praying, repenting, and reading God’s Word daily? Was I being punished? Was I abusing grace to justify disobedience? Am I forgiven (See Hebrews 7 – 10 for answer(s))?
In my quest to find answers to things I was once so confident about, the Bible has unequivocally convinced me that the very ugliest parts of me are forgiven. I feel invited to share with others how freeing and humbling it is to be assured that Jesus chose to die for me knowing that, even after walking with Him for so long, I’d still default, at times, to anger and self-centeredness. I want to try and explain the beautiful mystery of the cross, that despite my sins and failures Christ defends me from myself and others (Hebrews 7:25). I’m coming back because when you’ve experienced Jesus’ protection and compassion when you’re at your very lowest, time and time again,
It’s hard to stay quiet.
P.S. Please check out my NEW podcast, Not Consumed, on Spotify for young women (and up!)!!! Link is on laurasandretti.com.